I have been reading Susan's Miller's When Parents Have Problems, I see that Pat was the problem parent. Instead of embracing who I was as an individual, she tried to stifle my individuality by comparing, belittling and laying guilt trips on me. She didn't see that I wanted to be me not a robot or a sheep following the herd.
In 10,11, and 12th grades, she used to tell me you will never write, or do anything good. She was projecting her insecurities about herself onto me. Or she fat shame me and compare me to thinner girls. If I wanted to listen to relaxing music, she would tell me that, "no one listens that your age." Instead of being happy that I wasn't into the drug scene, staying out late, or ending up pregnant, she complained about my music tastes. She was never happy with herself so she transferred those unhappy feelings on to me.
I did three things to break the cycle: I didn't bring children into the mix; I stopped the abuse cycle. I sought help for my eating disorder and didn't hide and pretend it didn't exist. I didn't take my hurt and anger out to others. I am trying to help others by showing love and compassion to others.
I believe that is we as humans ought to be doing is helping others within reasons and yet taking care to honor ourselves!
