Christmas

 I noticed the trend is to get expensive gifts like jewelry, cars, and Iphones or Ipads. Can they really make people happy?  The answer is no!  These are just temporary things but the real joy comes from inside out. The love for each other!
I miss the essence of what Christmas was. I remember making homemade things and it coming from the heart v. the store.
I also see people rushing around getting angry and impatient trying to get that gift. What happened to the Christmas spirit? Sadly it is gone!


I would love to see more joy and compassion and helping one another during this season and all year round!
God Bless the military for fighting  for freedom in far away places! Thank you for your sacrifice and time away that you have to spend away from your loved ones! Hope in time that you can be home to celebrate instead of fighting wars.

Finished Strong

I finished my Weight Management Class strong! Did I get a 100 on every exam no, I got the 90's.  This was a good lesson for me to accept that I will not always get 100's but I can celebrate these grades! I learned a lot in this class, and I can use the tools like getting more physically fit and eating the right things.  I got through this with very little trigger, and if there was a small trigger I dealt with it by talking to Miriam instead of it letting it get to me. 


I am glad that I could end this class on a strong note and meet some nice people in the class too and retain a good student-teacher relationship with Paul, my instructor!

Life's lessons

I used to be a people pleaser to get people to like me thus, I would do what they wanted me to do even though I wasn't comfortable with it or had too much on my plate it didn't matter, I wanted them to like me. That was then! 
I now know that if someone wants me to do something and I am not comfortable with. The answer is no! If they aren't respectful of that, then they aren't really my friends, but users.
You should not have to give up your happiness or serenity for a friends, they accept no's. The ones that want you to give up happiness are not friends but energy parasites that will take from you and go  to the next person. 

I have learned in Stress Management last year, that when you make choices to make others happy, you have to live with those choices.  I am glad that I have stuck to my no's and boundaries, because it makes me a stronger person. When I say no that means no and doesn't mean yes later on.

I am a much happier person because of that! I stay true to my word!

Chris Rosinski

Chris Rosinski

I remember meeting Chris, while dating his brother Terry.  I met Chris at a barbeque at his place in Roseville, MI. He was a nice guy always welcoming too.

When Terry and I became engaged, we went over there to play some board games.  Chris was already treating me like a member in the family. He was helping me out with one of the games that we were playing. 

At our wedding, Chris danced with me and welcomed me to the family.  

Chris was always generous with stuff like if he had potato chips or other stuff, he said help yourself.  

He had a great sense of humor too! It was easy to get him laughing about silly stuff!

In closing, I would like to say; glad I got to know him as a brother!  He will be missed! 

Rest in peace Chris!

Random thoughts

1. I made a list so I can have things ready for Terry when he leaves. I like to try to make his life easier.  He works to pay the bills so I feel I have to do my part and help him.
2. I registered for the Weight Management Class. I am looking forward to this!
3. Lately been trying to make sure the kitties and Terry's needs are meant before mine. I tend to put me last.
4. I feel the perfection bug creeping in! This is not a good sign. I see a correlation between ED and perfection. Major task masters!
5.I managed to stand  up against the diet pill aisle 2x last week. That is good. That aisle is the last thing I need now!!!

Dear scale

Dear scale:

I am not going to get on you to weigh myself. 
You don't tell me my intrinsic value inside
You just tell me what my current number is now
Going on you will only bring back ED tendencies that I worked so hard to reverse!
I will not like myself and start reversing my recovery.
My therapist said " I am not defined by a number."

So I will not go on you when ED beckons me to!

Not liking what I am seeing

After going to drs and getting weighed, I nearly freaked out. It is hard not to let this undo my progress. 
I know I had a few ice cream treats and need cut down on those. I was also having my cycle and that didn't help matters.
I haven't been able to walk as much due to my calf strain.
There are times it is so tempting to do behaviors to lose the weight. However I know that is letting the enemy in again. I don't want that for myself nor will I feel good about myself if I did do things that way.
I am trying to reach out to the groups and Miriam more. I journal v. behavior.  I still notice one thing, I am more apt to take it out on myself when I think I messed up. So I will have to change that concept.

Mental Health Hero

Mental Health Hero

My Mental Health is Tracy Gold. She is an inspiration to me. I remember her as Carol Severs in “Growing Pains.” Her struggle with Anorexia Nervosa felt real to me.  She like me was teased about weight and felt the need to lose the weight.

         I loved her courage to do the movie, “ For The of Nancy,” after her recent battle with anorexia. I liked how she was helping others with her television recovery reality show, “Starving Secrets”. She used her experience with the eating disorder to inspire others to get help and get recovered.

Here is one of her quotes that I like, “You can’t enjoy Life if you are not nourishing your body!” I believe this to be true.  When I was at my lowest, I felt like an empty shell!

I think Tracy Gold is a strong woman and that is why she is my mental health hero!

         I have other mental health heroes. They are my therapist, my friend Susan Raymon, my husband Terry, and my brother Ed.  My therapist helps confront the unhealthy thoughts and replaces them with more positive thoughts. She was the one tell me that if I didn’t stop what I was doing to myself that I could be facing a hospitalization. She did this to get me to wake up and to see what I was doing. She was also there to cheer me on when I was doing well in recovery and encourage me when I felt stuck.  When I was getting down on myself about a slipup I had, she said it was “more curiosity. Recovery will be filled with ups and downs. She is a great therapist for me to have that sees the good in me and encourages it! ”My friend Susan Raymon, she helps me by encouraging me to be myself. She said, “ You don’t have to be perfect around me.”  You are fun and mischievous and that is why I love being around you!”  She also gives good examples if I am having a bad day or bad thought. She offers suggestions, when I am stuck on a piece. She is a great friend!   My husband Terry always gives me encouragement, even when I don’t want to hear it or believe it. He still persists to help me out during my trying days. He has gone with me to Old Navy and has encouraged me to stay with the agreed size and has steered me away from smaller sizes so that way, I am not encouraged to go the wrong way the eating disorder.  He encourages me to have something to eat, even when I don’t want to. He is a great husband and a friend!   My brother Ed, has been nothing but supportive! When I went through the eating disorder the first time in 2002, he has been a great support encouraged me. He has never been judgmental! He still supports me and is encouraging to me!

         In closing, I would like to say, I have a few mental health heroes to help me during my recovery and I am very blessed!  They have their qualities of being a hero and helping me, I am just glad that I have them in my life!

This Year In Review

This Year In Review

This year had some gains and losses!

This year got to see my brother Ed twice due to him taking care of my Father in Law. 

I learned about Western religions and gained a better understanding of Judaism and some of Islam.  I even got to learn more aspects of Christianity too. 

This year I grew closer to Susan Raymon.  I am so happy for this because she shows the kind of person I want to be.  

I also started being more social and joined on different events like coloring, solar eclipse, the pharm event where we fold bags and, they get turned into things that people could use. I also did an ornament event too.

We did lose some family members: our niece Jen due to drug overdose.  We also lost my father in law, Gerald Rosinski due to cancer and old age. 

I gained confidence and my recovery voice to say no! I don’t want to do this. I also walked away from a toxic relationship.  I feel like I can breathe more freely and be with people who encourage my recovery, and not tear me down or trivialize the eating disorder.

I took an awesome class Stress Management, not only did I get an A but I received lots of insight and great learning skills.

I had a great year!!! Good bye 2017 and hello 2018 may it grant me opportunities to grow and learn as an individual and be more kind to others without getting stepped on!