Bathing suits

Come January, Terry and I are going to look for new bathing suits. I had to ditch my old ones due to weight loss.


My major fear is when I try on the suits is what will I be looking at? The carnival mirror/real mirror?
Also I am thinking this fear goes back to trying on clothes with Pat telling me that I am too heavy.

I hope I can sort these intrusive thoughts and enjoy the experience of getting a new suit.

Conflicting thoughts

I want to have a salad but the ED is like I had enough today. I had 2 small platefuls of pepper steak.  I just wish there was like no debate and I can just make one no fuss.  Maybe I should use the WWMTMTD?

dream I had

I had a dream that I was fighting with Pat and I called her a materialistic B**h.  What is scary I came close to killing her in the dream. I know she is dead for real. This anger inside my dreams scares me that I could hurt someone. So I keep it down so I don't hurt anyone. I may turn it in on myself in the form of the  ED.