Shoulder surgery journey

 Even after my PT experience, the shoulder got more inflamed and was hurting again and had to get help. I got a referral to an orthopedic specialist. Dr. Zacharias is a very patient and kind doctor that will answer your questions. He did send me to an MRI to find out what is going on with my shoulder.  On my second consult, after going over the results of the MRI, I found out that I had a tear in my shoulder. He tried moving my arm and it was painful. We decided on surgery to fix the issue with the promise that I would start PT ASAP.  I had to get the clearance from my primary to get the surgery-medically and get a blood test. The day of the surgery was a little scary but the staff was nice at the hospital. After the surgery, I had to learn to let my husband help me. That was a humbling experience for me because I am very independent. This experience has taught me to accept that I can't do certain things due to the healing of the shoulder and let it heal. I am thankful for the things that I can do. However the things that I can't I have to ask Terry for help. Also I am back at Ortho Care getting PT therapy for my shoulder. Yes there are some days it hurts but I need to do as they ask and let them do the stretching it will help later down the road and do the PT HW at home.

It has definately taught me to let others help me- church people bringing meals, my friend giving me rides or Terry helping me with stuff because they want to see me recover.

The Similarities and Differences of PT and Therapy

The Jail Cell and Jailer

 The Jail Cell can be any addiction or an eating disorder. 

It is a spot where we are locked in these thoughts and actions that keep feeding the beast/addiction.  

My jailer was an eating disorder not once but twice.  It was a little harder on the second time because I was touching some deep bottoms of the abyss. 

My key was found in two things: My willingness to give it to God and also a great therapist who never backed down from the fight with me and encouraged me when I needed it or lit a fire under neath me when I desperately needed it to get my attention.  Although my ED brain may have had a hard time grasping, my logical side kicked in and started fighting against the beast-deceiver-satan. It was a long fight but I feel like my brokeness like that pottery  came out stronger with God's help and giving me a great therapist. 

Yes I am out of my jail cell, Jesus is the key holder and he sent Miriam to give me that key out.  I am grateful for that!

Change of Churches

 Sometimes we have to change churches when the church that we were going to no longer fits our needs  spiritually or is no longer a place that you can comfortably worship in.  

We chose to move from Vision to Faith Baptist church at the end of August. There were a few reasons that factored in: Not being appreciated/taken for granted, we weren't spiritually fed, we no longer felt loved at Vision, just felt like we were frozen out.  There was no love at Vision just coldness! 

Here at Faith: There is warmness and love! The pastor is great there and very dependable and he thanks us for being faithful even though we aren't members yet. 

There is more of a closeness at this church where people come up to you and introduce themselves. This is the place for us!

Saying goodbye to a Dear friend

 Today I said goodbye to a dear friend from Meijer! She will be missed by her family and friends. 

I am glad to be a part of her life for as long as I have and the pleasure of knowing Melba Faye Ohmer. 

She always had something funny or sarcastic to say to me. Her famous was calling me brat all the time! 

However, she has been a great sense of encouragement and love for me too! 

Melba was never afraid to give  you a hug and say I love you! She was the person that you wanted to be! 

Good bye dear friend, till I see you again in Heaven!

Everyone Has a Seat at the Table

Here is what I wrote for NEDA's Awareness Week:

Could be TW?

Everyone Has a Seat At The Table

This year, NEDA’s theme is Everyone Has a seat at the table. I do like this theme because it includes people from different ethnicities and various eating disorder diagnoses, and no one is excluded but included in the celebration of eating and gathering around the table.

I remember when I didn’t want to come to the table to eat. I made excuses like: “ I ate already, I am not hungry,” even though I was hungry after restricting for most of the day. The truth was the Eating Disorder was running the program and telling me to exercise more and eat way less. The truth was, I was getting tired of this regimen that the ED was putting me through. My therapist, Miriam gave me a good wake up call, “ You need to stop this or I will have to hospitalize you.” “ I don’t want to do this sweetie but will if I have to.” She knew it was the wake up call I needed but did it out of love.

Slowly I recovered and now I am strong enough to have meals with family and friends at the table. I don’t concern myself with exercising after or about the calories that I have eaten. I concentrate on the fellowship and fun.

There is another table I like to go to is the church dinners or breakfasts and have fellowship. One important is the Lord’s Table for communion at church. I trusted God to help me through the Eating disorder and he helped me recover with the help of my husband and my therapist, Miriam. I am glad that I can thank him and praise him for that!

Tuesday's With Morrie

 I watched Tuesday's With Morrie. The main character, Mitch Albom finds out that his old sociology professor has ALS and starts going to see him on Tuesday's. It is very inspiring what Morrie still teaches him.

    I think we all need people like Morrie to teach us things. I think my mentor is Miriam. Even though we don't have our monthly sessions, she taught me a lot and lets me let  down my guard.  I refer to her as my personal advsior. 

She is a gift that I didn't know I had till, I couldn't see her back in 2003, but welcomed me back with open arms in 2005. I know I can still text her when I need when I need to run something by her, but I don't like to abuse that because I know she has a life outside of that. I am just grateful for the times that she does answer me when she can.

Great things have happened

 1.We become members of Vision Baptist Church

2. We have become involved in the music ministry-Iworship and recording the Sunday School message

3. My husband and I took part in helping decorate the church for Christmas with other fellow believers. It was fun!

4. I am looking forward to learning more to serve the ministry-about the memberships. 

5. I am also looking forward to celebrating the New Year at the Church event.  

This will be fun to be with fellow Christians and have fellowship with others and ring in the new year with a service. 

If 2020 taught me anything, we can adapt to changes and learn to find blessings in other things like becoming closer to our loved ones and finding happiness in attending church and becoming a better servant to God in his ministry at church.

My vision of America

Here is my vision of America:

Neighbors helping each other

Going back to what this country is founded on-Judaeo Biblical principals

Pride in showing the American Flag

Pride in standing for the National Anthem

Standing in for the Pledge of Allegiance

Worshipping God in Church

Putting prayer back in our lives

Most of all putting God back into our country where he belongs!  That we teach creation v. evolution in schools. 

Sean Feucht

A friend on Facebook showed me a link of Sean Feucht. I love his energy.  I am glad he is trying to reach people by going into the worst cities and doing revivals with his band. 

The best revival concert I saw was Sacramento -Let Us Worship.  

His music is easy to follow! Makes you want to sing along! I pray he comes to MI around here. I would love to see him!

New perspective

 Looking back to last year, the things that I thought were important like planning next year's vacation and what class I will be taking some how changed with this "COVID"pandemic. Now it is going to church, reading my bible, going to bible studies and being among believers is the most important thing now. Drawing close to God instead of looking at my own interests.  

I feel more at peace when I am at church now. Last year, I was thinking if I go near a church it would fall. Now I know so not true!

I need to put God first and me second. 

New attitude

I have noticed that since I have been praying for our country and the state governor, things have been much better!!
Another new thing is I have returned back to church. I like it there! Everyone is welcoming. 

Also a new change is doing devotions with my husband really helps my attitude.

Taking things for granted

I can tell you after not being able to partake in the things I used to do, I won't be taking them for granted.
Things like: eating in a restaurant-when you are not able to eat in a restaurant outside your home you begin to miss it.
Going to the gym-Going there  and working out, and also socializing there, you miss it when it is closed due to the virus.
Mall shopping, I miss that because I can't go to my Hobby Lobby store and I do like to people watch there.

I do hope soon that we can return to our daily activities and be social and enjoy life before this virus caused the governor to close these things due to slowing the spread.

Uninvited guest

This uninvited guest came into the United States and changed the way many people live their lives. There are libraries closed, churches closed, stores on with limited hours and restaurants that either do carry out or drive-thru's.  The reason Covid-19 or Corona Virus.  Many state governors across the nation are instituting "shelter in place," to slow the spread of this awful monster. 

A few things it can't change is:

prayers, laughter , and being with each other and helping each other through this crisis. 

We can only hope and pray that we come out of this stronger and more unified as a nation!

Changing the way we interact with others

Is social distancing going to be a new way of life?  I understand it due to fear of catching the Covid-19.
What happens after this passes?  Will people still be afraid to come up and give each other hugs, shake hands with one another?
I really am hoping that we can become socially connected to each other! I believe that is what humans need and are meant to give love and friendship and receive it back.  That is what makes us human!

A time of uncertainness

This is the time where there are more questions than answers. Such as:

1.Will churches open up for Easter services

2. Will schools open up so students can finish their schooling or will they have to do online learning?

3. The airlines and hotels will they allow guests into their areas or will people like me have to reschedule?

4. Will businesses and stores get back to normal after all this?

My wish is this: When this is over, we can be even more kind to others and be thankful for full store shelves and regular business hours.

One thing is for certain, we need to be kind to one another during this period  because others are scared and we could be that beacon of light that helps them through this!

Life gives you lemons-make lemonade

With this Corona Virus shutting things down, I have to look at the positives:

Tv-with new antenna and more channels-free entertainment
I can still exercise even without the gym-yes I miss it but I have to be creative when I go on vacation so test run.
I have my kitties-they are good entertainment-kitty smackdowns or just wanting to cuddle with me.
More time with Terry-cuddling
Carry out option don't have to purchase soda, drink more water.
I also get my French lessons done quicker now.

These are a few a positives.  I am making lemonade at the lemons that this virus is throwing.

New way of life

This COVID-19 or Corona virus is really making people change their lives in various ways: Certain churches are closing their doors for a few weeks, restaurants with drive thru or carry out only, gyms, and library have closed.
Now we hear a term like social distancing so we don't catch whatever someone has.  We can't hug the person or shake hands with them, we have to stay with in 6 feet away from them.
Another sad thing is people are hoarding stuff and others can't get it because people buy too much and don't save any for the rest of humanity. I heard in one state there was a fist fight over paper towel. That is sad when it gets to that point.
My personal advisor will be having sessions via video chat during these times. I understand why she is doing this so she can be safe for her and husband. I will miss the hug at the end of the session.
I get why, and yet it feels so cold to do that. 
I just hope and pray that this will be a thing of the past like N1H1 and people can return to the routines they used to do before all this came about.


I know this won't last long just have to find other ways to do things and try and be positive and be there for each other! 

Shame trigger

I have been reading Brene's Brown Book I thought it was Just me but it isn't.
In this book she talks about " shame triggers and knowing our shame triggers."  She says it is best to reach out to other people so we won't feel alone in our shame and to be empathetic to others that way shame can't breed.

I will share two shame triggers
1. Body image- Me thinking I am very heavy and I need to lose weight especially when the visitor comes.
2. Also this perfection-keeping the house clean and trying to do all the right things.

Who else feels these triggers? What are your triggers?
She says if we can name them and talk about them, we won't feel so isolated and alone.

Internal Locus of Control

In class we were discussing about internal locus of control.  I believe I have the internal locus of control.
I did it in recovery when Miriam told me about possible hospitalization if I didn't stop what I was doing.
I took charge and thought of a plan to avoid the hospital and Dr. S due to crappy insurance. I acknowledged that I did mess up with ED and made a choice to fix it with Terry and Miriam's help. I did it.

As for this class, I feel that I have a drive to get ahead and get things done so I can time to study for midterm. 
I can do this by efficiently managing my time and studying and getting things done with the study guide.

I am will also follow up with the instructor as far as the due date for this presentation and paper. I want to be well-prepared to give an outstanding presentation and paper.
I know that I am capable of it because I feel I have a self-efficacy to get the job done!!!