This Year In Review

This Year In Review

This year had some gains and losses!

This year got to see my brother Ed twice due to him taking care of my Father in Law. 

I learned about Western religions and gained a better understanding of Judaism and some of Islam.  I even got to learn more aspects of Christianity too. 

This year I grew closer to Susan Raymon.  I am so happy for this because she shows the kind of person I want to be.  

I also started being more social and joined on different events like coloring, solar eclipse, the pharm event where we fold bags and, they get turned into things that people could use. I also did an ornament event too.

We did lose some family members: our niece Jen due to drug overdose.  We also lost my father in law, Gerald Rosinski due to cancer and old age. 

I gained confidence and my recovery voice to say no! I don’t want to do this. I also walked away from a toxic relationship.  I feel like I can breathe more freely and be with people who encourage my recovery, and not tear me down or trivialize the eating disorder.

I took an awesome class Stress Management, not only did I get an A but I received lots of insight and great learning skills.

I had a great year!!! Good bye 2017 and hello 2018 may it grant me opportunities to grow and learn as an individual and be more kind to others without getting stepped on!

How Disability Affected treatment

How Disability Affected my Eating Disorder Treatment

                  I would have to say that my disability was never a factor in my eating disorder treatment.  When I first started treatment, the disability wasn’t even an issue.

         The first time that I went into therapy for the eating disorder, we concentrated on the forces that brought me to the eating disorder like the past abuse issues and my need for perfection. I never considered the disability an issue then.

         When I returned to therapy after getting my insurance back, the disability was revealed. It wasn’t a factor on how my therapist treated me as far as conquering the eating disorder demon.

        

         When I approached Miriam, with the eating disorder coming back strong, she made it her business to help me conquer the eating disorder. Yes this time it is a lot harder to fight, not because of the disability but because the eating disorder has more of a tenacious grip on me. We are working at loosening its grip on me through processing and me working on trying to be more kind to myself and not focus on the feeling that I have to be perfect. I admit that it is a struggle due to thoughts of acting on behaviors that brought me to her in the first place. I believe that with honesty, and hard work I will overcome my struggle with the eating disorder mindset. Also with trusting her and myself to do what is needed to combat these nasty thoughts.

Miriam does admire me on my strength to overcome the eating disorder the first time and deal with the disability at the same time.  She thinks that I am a strong person and if it did affect anything in the treatment, it would be the fact that she knows I can do this because I endured the abuse from my biological mother for not accepting me due to the disability. Miriam has admiration for me for fighting the demon and overcoming obstacles in my disability.

I will not be defeated with either the eating disorder or the disability!

Dear Ana!

This is from a friend of mine Natalya Raymon who wrote this awesome poem!

Dear Ana Why do you make me feel bad Each calorie I count Each piece of food I look at it Each meal I eat you hurt me You make me sick You say I'll reach that goal if your there You say I will look better My confidence is negative You take advantage of me You say you won't leave me You tell me to be in control Why can't you leave But at the same time I want you here I don't want you to leave I want you stay I need you to stay I want you to whisper the sweet venom in my ear I want you to stay by my side I want that goal So please don't leave me

Different thoughts

I am heading into the final stretch of my Stress Management class! This class was most enjoyable! I am learning and applying what I have gleaned from the class!
I had an awesome birthday! My friend Susan Raymon made sure I felt special! I  can't thank her enough! Also I had a great time at the hotel and at Olive Garden with my best friend! Another friend David Francis made me feel special too!


The best gift I got was my recovery voice!

Nasty Anorexic Sweatshirt from UK

There is a disgusting Sweatshirt that is Selling on Amazon UK. Some merchant thinks it is okay to make light of eating disorders. It isn't right glamorize it either!
Here is my response

Pro-Anorexia Sweatshirt

This sweatshirt shows horrible disregard to those that suffer from Anorexia and other eating disorders. I hope Amazon knows that Eating disorders are the number one killer in mental health. This is nothing to joke about or make light of.

I suffer from anorexia and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone! Amazon needs to rethink this item, because it shows that eating disorders are cool or glamorous.  I think Amazon could do better by selling items that shows body-positivity instead of selling this awful item!

Closer to midterm

As I get closer to midterm, I feel the need to do exceptionally well! I want to set a high standard for myself.

My husband said, "don't set it too high because if you don't get it, you will get down on yourself.
Also want to do well in the journal assignments.
Basically, I want to do awesome in this class.
I feel this perfection monster rearing its head at me. Nothing less than a 100%.
I know this is unhealthy thinking, however it is hard to shake myself from it.
I would like to go for imperfectly perfect.


It will be almost a week before I see Miriam, I know I will need to discuss this issue with her, before I start doing idiotic stuff.

Back To School Coping Strategies

Back to School Coping Strategies

         Going back to school is filled with normal anxieties for kids and young adults ready to start a new chapter in their lives at a four-year university.  These concerns double for people with eating disorders because now they are faced with changes in either their mealtime routines, or times that they would go see their treatment team. Students with eating disorders may try hard to get the perfect grades and put extra pressures on themselves to bring on some unwanted eating disordered behaviors.

         Here are some coping strategies before you head back to school.

Ø Check with your treatment team to see you are indeed ready for either college life and what classes would be good or dangerous for you to take.   Obviously a class in either nutrition where they do calorie counts or weight management would not be good for anorexics.   If you are heading back to high school, let your treatment team see your schedule and advise of any potential trigger or high stress class schedules that could interfere with your treatment schedule and mealtime.

Ø Have a plan in place with your treatment team an who to call or text when it gets stressful like exams and more homework than usual.

Ø Try and keep a routine with your meal times and bring snacks if need be to your classes. (Talk to guidance counselor at high school or a social worker to be advocate for you with your teachers in the incoming school year to allow you break time to eat your snacks.

Ø Have a hobby that you like to do as an outlet so you don’t resort to ED behaviors.

Ø Exercise-only if your treatment team allows it. It is a good stress reliever.

Ø Hang out with friends and body-positive people that embrace you and your recovery.

Ø Pets are good companions to have, however may not be allowed on college campuses. Check with the housing authority before adopting a pet.  

Ø Make sure your college has a counseling or mental health center that you can go to when things get too stressful. If you are in high school, talk to a social worker there or a trusted counselor.

Ø Have your therapist’s number on your phone to call or text during the real stressful times like exams, that is when it is tempting to fall back into behaviors.

I know for me, when I have college classes, I tend to try to have perfect grades and when I don’t I take it out on myself.  I am now trying to enjoy the class and learn what I am supposed to learn. If I did select something that my therapist didn’t think was a good idea, she would tell me to drop it only because she thought it could be a temptation for me to engage in behaviors. 

         Make this school year learning and enjoyable one and don’t be afraid to reach out to your treatment team when you feel yourself wanting to slip into behaviors, they are there to help you not judge you!