Bathing suits

Come January, Terry and I are going to look for new bathing suits. I had to ditch my old ones due to weight loss.


My major fear is when I try on the suits is what will I be looking at? The carnival mirror/real mirror?
Also I am thinking this fear goes back to trying on clothes with Pat telling me that I am too heavy.

I hope I can sort these intrusive thoughts and enjoy the experience of getting a new suit.

Conflicting thoughts

I want to have a salad but the ED is like I had enough today. I had 2 small platefuls of pepper steak.  I just wish there was like no debate and I can just make one no fuss.  Maybe I should use the WWMTMTD?

dream I had

I had a dream that I was fighting with Pat and I called her a materialistic B**h.  What is scary I came close to killing her in the dream. I know she is dead for real. This anger inside my dreams scares me that I could hurt someone. So I keep it down so I don't hurt anyone. I may turn it in on myself in the form of the  ED.

Holidays coming up

1. I am so glad that Terry has to work Thanksgiving so I don't have to worry about making dinner and eating it.  That thought is very scary!
2. I am just not into Christmas anymore due to the commerialism and them pushing it earlier and earlier.   So if Terry has to work again so be it. I don't have to worry about hosting it here. Plus I don't have to worry about cleanup afterward and having the place in tip top shape.

Frustrated

Not such a good day. Satan is ragging me. I feel guilty about eating soup and following the meal plan. Just wish he leave me be.   

food plan

Going back to the egg in morning.  I want to follow the meal plan. I know I wavered off it due to body fluctuations not sure about my cycle.  I know satan hates when I keep to a meal plan but that is just too bad.  I want to maintain a good relationship with Miriam.

Satan needs to go away. I know working with Miriam will eradicate him.

Back in the saddle again

After having a cold this past weekend, I finally got over it. It made sticking to the food plan challenging but I did it. Satan was trying to make it hard for me. Saying don't stick with and put down that you ate in the food journal.  I know darn well, I won't do this. I haven't been dishonest with Miriam nor will I start.  I am sticking to my guns and keeping to the food plan!