Emotions

Emotions:

We come into this world with different feelings or emotions. Here are some examples Happiness, sadness, fear, and anger. We will experience all them during our lifetime and perfectly normal because we are humans and not unfeeling robots.

However there are some individuals that are brought up in families where some of these feelings or emotions are not permissible. The child may get yelled at or ridiculed for showing such emotions as fear or crying when they are sad. The parent may say, “ If you are going to cry, I will give you something to cry about.” Another example would be, “ why are you scared?” “ See that kid, he isn't scared and he is younger than you.” Another “don't get angry!”

What the child takes away is my feelings aren't allowed in the house, so I will suck them in and pretend like everything is just fine, while they are hurting. The kid may take it out on themselves in forms of an eating disorder, drug addiction, or alcoholism. This is all because they can't process their feelings or emotions at that time when they really needed to or get through a grief period.

I understand this because, I wasn't allowed to show my emotions around my birth mother, yet she was the one who showed these emotions herself. This was very confusing time for me. Parents are the models for their children's behaviors. I got good at stuffing down my emotions and smiling, even when things were wrong. I also said I was fine when I wasn't, so I wouldn't have cry in front of others.

I am trying to learn it is okay to feel these emotions. During the eating disorder, I became numb to them. Now that, I am at a point in my recovery, I am trying to allow myself to be vulnerable with my feelings in front of my therapist Miriam. I know she is safe to feel these feelings, whether it be sadness or anger. I know when I reach that point, I will be a lot closer to recovery also.

I invite others who have suffered with addictions, or eating disorders, to seek help if they haven't already. Emotions can be scary at first but they can be the keys to freedom!