Myths and truths

Things that the ED told me 
Myth-I would like myself after losing a bunch of weight.
Truth-At first it was good,then it got to be an obsession then it became to the point where Miriam was mentioning hospital and I hated myself for disappointing her.
Myth-You can't be thin enough
Truth-Get too thin people will start worrying about you and making comments about you.
Myth-You can stop after a certain weight.
Truth-No you can't there is no magic number because ED will keep lowering it and you will keep going further in the pit of hell.
Myth-You don't need food to survive
Truth-Yes I do, food is medicine to beat the ED.
Myth-You can do anything you want once you get thin
Truth-No you can't! You get too thin, you will be too weak to do anything, and to think correctly. Due to no nutrients to the brain.
Biggest lie of all! 
Your life will be great!
Truth-My life was hell! I couldn't sleep without food dreams, I was constantly exercising, and weighing myself! I hated myself for it. Plus I went under Miriam's lowest target for me. I got her worried about me. It took her to mention the hospital and that doctor that specializes in ED's to snap me out of my fog to get on the right track!
Bottom line: ED is full of horse dung and Lies! Don't believe him. I need to believe the people that love me!

Change

In order for things to change, I have to be that change, that means letting people go out of my life that hurt me rather than help me so be it!
Also I will let in those that want to help me and lower my wall or guard.
I am responsible for my recovery and need to make small changes to make room for bigger changes. 

Way to look at recovery

I look at recovery as a can do attitude! Even when I am struggling, I see it as more of a challenge to get through and to get this done!


I also see Kacy Catanzaro as a positive image, she has this can do attitude that she will do the American Ninja Warrior. I am going to take this attitude and go with it! I will succeed and conquer this demon!

I see myself on top of my own Mt. Modoriama

positive ways of living

Going to make it my goal to live more positive
1. Help others
2. Read the devotions in the morning
3. Listen to what music that makes me happy
4. When an intrusive thought comes in, I need to ask myself, is this helpful, if not throw it in the garbage.
5.My biggest challenge is not to self-abuse myself with negative talk because it will be like Pat is still here.  I need to be more kind to myself. It can be done but with practice.
6.  I need to trust the process of recovery and let down my guard more with Miriam.

My Idea of an Ideal ED treatment place

The place would be in Fl close to the coast access to dolphins
Also there would be kitties there. Residents get to pick a kitty on level 2. That would be their kitty for the whole time of their stay. When they leave, they can keep the kitty. During that time, they cuddle and take care of the kitty, will help them send love to someone and learn to love themselves too in the process
The residents would get weighed backwards. Would be a smoke free environment.
Levels 3&4 They would go out and interact with the dolphins and swim with them.
During the whole process, they will have to find ways to build themselves up and learn to nourish themselves. Outside will be a pool only for levels 2-4. Also on the third level, will also learn how to help others too in the residential program.