Time for a Positive Change

Time For Positive Changes

I was heading in a sort of bad direction as far as recovery went. I was hanging out with a person that was more into the eating disorder and I felt that if I stayed with her, she would trigger me into bad thoughts and want to head down into the red zone again. The red zone is low weight and not wanting to eat. Also, at this time, my husband Terry was telling me that my health was being affected by this girl’s negativity. In early July, I told this girl, that I was done with her negativity and not wanting to be on the same page as far as recovery went.

After leaving the “friendship,” it felt like a load has been lifting off my shoulders. Now I no longer had to help her or worry about her. I had to concentrate on me. My therapist Miriam sensed that “I was more quiet or subdued than usual, “I told what happened and she agreed it was the right thing for me to do and I needed to care for myself and my recovery. I wrote a recovery contract and signed it, my husband signed it, and so did Miriam. This keeps me accountable to recovery.

I also registered for a nutrition class that I thought would be good for me to take. When I started the class, instructor was making comments about calories and how much one was eating. I thought I would try another week; it seemed to be worse about how labels were going to be changed to show the calorie counts. I knew if I kept going it would be very bad for me recovery wise. Let’s just say, that the eating disorder was filling my head with bad thoughts of losing a whole bunch of weight. My husband told me to drop the class before it got too bad for me. I dropped the class and it felt like the right thing to do. I wanted to stay on the right track for recovery and didn’t need any roadblocks.

At the beginning of this year, I really wanted to push for recovery and work harder at it. I got a blessing and was asked to write for Proud2bme. Writing for this blog, enhances my resolve to stay on the right track.

In April, I had some bad thoughts with the eating disorder, and started using some symptoms. I informed Miriam, my therapist to keep me accountable. I told on myself instead of hiding from it. I was given lots of good tips in the session with her. In the May session, I wrote her a letter stating if, I go down the wrong way, do what you have to stop me. I also signed up for a spring-summer class, Forensic Psychology. I knew I had to stay with a meal plan and keep up with what I was doing so I could function in class.

A few weeks before I started class, my stomach was getting upset and was getting hard to eat without anything upsetting it. I went to the ER that night to get help to stop the pain and find out what was going on with me. I found out that I had GERD. I now have to eat things without certain ingredients if I want to stay pain free.

I am almost done with this class; it has been a balancing act, getting things done for class, home and taking care of myself. I know if I am tired, it is okay to rest and take breaks. Miriam has told me, do the best I can without affecting my health, so if I can get a B or a B+ out of this class then good, if it is something higher great.

I would love to be fully recovered and not have the thoughts. I am just glad that I made some positive changes that could help me stay on this path to recovery and be an example of what recovery is!